Non-Prophet

spotted dick....... it's what's for dinner!

[suesun]

R.I.P. Mr. Noodle

He was the man responsible for keeping college kids and single men fat and happy. His culinary creation is so tightly integrated into our culture that these noodles are like a staple. I can think of no better way to fill my gut for less than 10 cents than with a salty bowl of delicious ramen noodles.

nytimes.com:

The news last Friday of the death of the ramen noodle guy surprised those of us who had never suspected that there was such an individual. It was easy to assume that instant noodle soup was a team invention, one of those depersonalized corporate miracles, like the Honda Civic, the Sony Walkman and Hello Kitty, that sprang from that ingenious consumer-product collective known as postwar Japan.

But no. Momofuku Ando, who died in Ikeda, near Osaka, at 96, was looking for cheap, decent food for the working class when he invented ramen noodles all by himself in 1958. His product — fried, dried and sold in little plastic-wrapped bricks or foam cups — turned the company he founded, Nissin Foods, into a global giant. According to the company’s Web site, instant ramen satisfies more than 100 million people a day. Aggregate servings of the company’s signature brand, Cup Noodles, reached 25 billion worldwide in 2006.

[DINING] Ai Sushi & Grill

This story is part of a series in which four Colorado Springs area engineers, who are essentially unqualified to do so, review and rate lunch stops around the city. Please feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section.

Today we ate too much uncooked fish at:

Ai Sushi & Grill
4655 Centennial Blvd
Colorado Springs, CO
80919-3304
Phone: (719)266-5858

[DINING] Slayton's Barbecue & Creamery

This story is part of a series in which four Colorado Springs area engineers, who are essentially unqualified to do so, review and rate lunch stops around the city. You are encouraged to add your own opinions in the comments section.

Slayton's Barbecue & Creamery
806 Village Center Drive
Colorado Springs, CO 80919
719.266.5455

From Sugarpants: (4.001/5.0 PP's)

If I went to a psychiatrist who used word association to evaluate my mental state and he said "Barbecue" and I said "Creamery", I would be stamped with some kind of delusional disorder.  This leads me to believe that the founder of this establishment is the food equivalent of a mad scientist.  I wonder if he went crazy trying to find something other than grilled meat to douse in barbecue sauce.  Starting with artichokes and arugula, moving on to braunschweiger and bubblicious, the fuse finally blew at cream.  I imagine Slayton being hauled off in shackles, mumbling something about sparrows ruining the soil, while his friends and family are left behind picking up the pieces.  When he returned, medicated, he probably separated the cream from the BBQ sauce, tossed in some sugar and cooled it off,  hoping to offer ice cream to the barbecue customers after their meal.

If my previous assumptions are correct it would explain why the barbecue and ice cream at Slayton's is so good.  Ben and Jerry proved that insanity makes ice cream better, and wasn't barbecue invented by crazy starving pirates eating wild goat meat?  I give Slayton's 4.001 out of 5 pocket protectors.

From Non-Prophet: (3.5/5.0 PP's)

This place made me feel like I was visiting the Department of Motor Vehicles to renew my registration. You order at the counter and get a number. Then the waiting game begins. Normally this isn't a big deal, but two of my co-workers got their food almost 10 minutes before my number was called. "152..154...155..156..157," but I had number 153. While waiting I started just calling out numbers in the restaurant, and I even fooled one guy. When my food did arrive it was really pretty good. The roll paled in comparison to what you'd get at Font Range Barbecue, but my Mr. B Burnt Ends Sandwich was everything I could have hoped for. Tasty and delicious.

Dining Tip: Order water and then use their un-watched drink stand, complete with an unlimited supply of lemon slices, for making lemonade.

One cool things about this place are the great pictures of Jazz legends hung on the walls. Dizzy, Billie Holiday, a couple nice shots of Miles Davis were all a nice surprise. It made me wonder if barbecue was served in the midtown Manhattan jazz clubs of the 40's and 50's. The d�cor begs for them to close the loop and actually play music in this place.

I still have not really caught my stride on the whole barbecue thing, but I can see myself returning to this place. It's priced like a stop with a wait staff, but Yum.

From Photo Lizard: (3.999/5.0 PP's)

From the moment you walk in the front door, you realize this is not going to be your normal lunch stop. It's like someone took the idea of a fast food restaurant and combined it with the prices of a normal sit down joint. There's no wait staff. In fact, the wait staff at a buffet has more interaction with you than here. After your order is taken, you get to find someplace to sit and wait for your number to be called. It doesn't take too long, but long enough that some people may get the idea to start calling out random numbers to amuse themselves while they wait. i amused myself by looking at all of the faux wood beams in the ceiling and the made to look like wood paneling on the walls. I'm a geek by day and an amateur woodworker by hobby, so I appreciated them at least attempting to make me feel at home. Okay, so why would you go? The answer is the food. This is really good stuff! I've only ever been through Kansas City (trying to make my way as quickly as possible through the barren wasteland known to every driver as the Midwest) so I haven't had what many would consider "authentic" barbecue. But this stuff was great! I had the Sausage Burnt Ends platter and there didn't seem to be much burnt on the plate but rather a whole sausage instead. It was so good that I'm rating the place at a 3.999 out of 5 pocket protectors. The .001 came off the 4.0 score due to the fact that their creamery section tries to be a Cold Stone and misses. All told, if it was actually a nice sit down place with a wait staff I would have had no problem giving it a 4.499 based on the barbecue alone!

From Unholy Mecha: (3.75/5.0 PP's)

The first thing I noticed about Slayton's Barbecue & Creamery as we got out of the car was the wonderful smell of something burning, presumably wood, but I can not say for sure.  The inside of the restaurant is rather sparse and fairly small.  We ended up having to share a table with another guest of the restaurant.  There was very short line at the counter so we did not have to wait long for someone to take our order.  The gentleman behind the counter was rather young and attractive with an nice smile and an ample amount of product in his hair.  There were a lot of things on the menu that looked good, but I ended up going with a BBQ combo sandwich with two different kinds of pork and it came with a side of fries.  While waiting for our order to come out I made the most of the condiment bar.  There are few things better than turning a plate full of pickles, jalapenos and onions into your appetizer.  Sugar pants and Photo Lizard got their orders before myself and Non-Prophet and both of their orders were wrong (it was different meat than what they thought they had ordered), so I did not have high hopes that my order would be right either.  But soon enough a handsome black gentleman brought out our order and I think it may have actually been correct.  The sandwich was pretty good and I loved the sauce.  I liked it so much I substituted it for catsup on my fries, and the beauty of it is that you could go and get as many refills as you wanted.  I give it 3.75 out of 5 PP.

Cumulative Rating: (4.001+3.5+3.999+3.75)/5.0 = 3.8125 Pocket Protectors (out of 5)

(photo not of an actual Slayton's sandwich)

[DINING] Marigolds Cafe & Bakery

This story is part of a series in which four Colorado Springs area engineers, who are essentially unqualified to do so, review and rate lunch stops around the city. Please feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section.

Today we pass judgment on the place where the elite meet to eat elite meat:

Marigolds Cafe & Bakery
4605 Centinnial Blvd.
Colorado Springs, CO 80919
(719) 599 - 4776

From Sugarpants: (4/5 PP's)

At Marigolds I couldn't stop thinking about how lucky my friends, family and I are to live in the country we live in.  I am amazed sometimes by how much we have.  I feel thankful and unworthy at the same time.  Marigold's has awesome food and their wait staff is so nice I wanted to stay there for the rest of the day.  There are so many people in the world that will never experience the wealth we take for granted on a daily basis.  Makes me think I'd like to buy the world lunch at Marigold's and let them all try it out. 4/5 pocket protectors.

From Unholy Mecha:  (4.375/5.0 PP's)

We recently revisited Marigolds, one of my favorite local restaurants. It is very convenient for us because it is within walking distance and it is one of the few non-chain restaurants with a fairly healthy menu.  The light lunch menu means that there is a consistently high chick to dude ratio of patrons, which is always nice.  I also happen to like a somewhat light lunch.  When we arrived we were seated by a big boned woman who was none the less fairly attractive.  It certainly did not hurt that she was wearing thong underwear.  We got a table at the front of the restaurant, which afforded us a great view of the mountains.  We were promptly greeted by our very petite waitress, whom we later found out was from Poland.  Her head seemed to by slightly misshapen.  I could not figure out exactly what was amiss except that the aspect ratio was not quite right.  She was very cute though.  I really enjoyed listening to her take our order in that lovely eastern European accent.  I decided to get what the woman next to me was having which was the grilled trout Caesar salad, one of the daily specials.  We also got an order of bread as an appetizer.  The bread as always was excellent and the main course was fantastic.  The trout was grilled to perfection and the salad was excellent also.  It was not overly drowned in dressing and the greens were very fresh and tasty.  I give this dining experience 4.375 pocket protectors.

From Non Prophet: (4.2/5.0 PP's)

There's so much to look at in this place. From the inverted plastic Christmas tree turned into a chandelier gone wrong to the sophisticated looking wait staff. I'm pretty sure that our server was a pixie, which is a nice touch that you don't get at too many lunch stops. I've never seen so many obviously bleached teeth and smooth tan skin in one place before. It's as if there is a powerful yuppie magnet built into the building, or perhaps they pump the scent of money mixed with 'heavy hitter' pheromones out of the vents. Then again, it might just be that the food is fantastic, which it is. I had the hot roast beef sandwich and pasta salad combo. Dat shit was spot on. The wait staff was excellent and even decided to switch my beverage choice to Cherry Coke half way through the meal. That was a nice surprise which I enjoyed very much."

From Cat on the Balls: (3.5/5 PP's)

My first impression was that the place smelled like coffee. I mean this in the positive sense, not like when the pot has been on the burner all day and the air is as sour and thick as the gunk in the pot. Not, for that matter like Starbucks either, whose stores smell pretty much like ass.

You have to admire Starbucks' marketing sense, though. They sell high priced, crappy tasting coffee that can be made drinkable only through the addition of expensive foams, flavorings, and processes, which, of course, make the stuff still more expensive. Of course it is strong enough to wake the dead, so it's not without value. But I digress.

Marigolds. There were far more women than men in attendance which I attribute to the name of the restaurant more than to any feature of the menu. I believe women are more inclined to eat at a venue named for a flower than at one named, say, The Anvil.

Unfortunately, I had no need to pee during my visit, which left me unable to see whether the bathroom featured, as others do, (most notably The Olive Garden) the hand soap that smells like sheep dip.

I tried a Muffaletta for the first time. The name had a quasi sexual ring to it - "What did you have for lunch?" "I dove into a muff-aletta." It turns out this middle eastern sounding thing is actually a large sub sandwich. And there's that diving metaphor again.

Cumulative average: (4.375+4+4.2+3.5)/4 = 4.01875 Pocket Protectors (out of 5)

[DINING] Front Range Barbecue

This story is part of a series in which four Colorado Springs area engineers, who are essentially unqualified to do so, review and rate lunch stops around the city. Please feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section.

We had a good old time at:

Front Range Barbecue
2330 West Colorado Avenue
Colorado Springs, CO 80904
Phone 719-632-2596

From Unholy Mecha: (2.975/5.0 PP's)
"The first thing that sticks out about Front Range BBQ is its location.  It is situated along Colorado Avenue in an old Victorian style house in downtown OCC.  I do enjoy going to OCC, but parking can really suck cat ass at times.  After some time we did find a place to park where we did not feel an imminent threat that our car would be towed.  We were greeted at the front door by a middle aged woman who may have been quite attractive twenty or so years ago. She gave us the option to sit anywhere we liked.  Being an old home, you basically get to choose which bedroom you would like to be in.  We chose a booth in the front bedroom.  We were then greeted by a very pleasant waitress, who reminded me of my ex-wife's lesbian aunt.  For my meal I chose the pork sandwich with a side of cole slaw, which was brought out after a ten minute wait, which I thought was slightly long given the ease of which it is to prepart a BBQ sandwich.  The sandwich was pretty good.  I thought the meat was middle of the road and I would have preferred more sauce.  The cole slaw claimed to be spicy, but I personally didn't think that claim was accurate, but it was still pretty good.  Over all I give FRBBQ a rating of 2.975 pocket protectors."

From Sugarpants: (3.6/5.0 PP's)
"I don't think I could find my way back to this place because Non Prophet drove, it is in a section of town that I makes me mad.  I would have to use a map.  I'm one of those dudes who needs a navigator riding shotgun to tell me when I miss a turn.  The problem with that, however, is that I tend to get ticked off at the navigator when they keep bringing up mistakes I make when I drive.  If I had to drive to Front Range BBQ, both my navigator and I would arrive angry at each other.
  The door knob on the bathroom door at this restaurant didn't give me much confidence.  I felt forced to implement one of those high pressure whizzes because I was worried some schmo would throw the door open and reveal my nakedness to the waitresses who were standing right outside.
  As far as the Barbecue goes, I had the brisket sandwich.  Pretty good. 3.6 pocket protectors."

From Non Prophet: (4.1/5.0 PP's)
"Growing up in New York I never even knew barbecue existed until it was served at my dorm cafeteria while attending Purdue University. My appreciation was nonexistent until I was converted at one of the Wob's barbecue parties. My expertise at evaluating barbecue is still in it's infancy and hovers somewhere around my expertise in evaluating haggis. (side note: anyone know where the really GOOD haggis places are in town?) This barbecue was fantastic. If I knew better I might make a definitive statement about how it is the best in town, or best I've had since, "that time in Kansas City." Great food though, and quite possibly great barbecue. I had the pulled pork. The wait staff was polite, even as I attempted to get the meal comped based on my credentials as a food critic."

Cumulating rating: (2.975+3.6+4.1)/3.0 = 3.5833 Pocket Protectors (out of 5)

[DINING] Saigon Cafe

This story is part of a series in which four Colorado Springs area engineers, who are essentially unqualified to do so, review and rate lunch stops around the city. Please feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section.

My backlog of food criticism has finally been met with much criticism and food. Join us won't you, on a journey of culinary stunt-mannery.

Saigon Cafe
20 East Colorado Ave
Colorado Springs, CO 80903-2204

From Sugarpants: (3.375/5.0 PP's)
"The Good:
We were immediately greeted at the door which made me feel loved.  After we were seated we enjoyed light hearted conversation surrounded by good looking down-towners.  The food arrived in great shape!  The hot stuff was hot, and the vegetables were cool and delightful.  It brought me back to the days of the McDonald's McDLT, where "the hot side stayed hot and the cold side stayed cold".

The Bad:
I ordered a noodle bowl and our waitress brought out my duck sauce about five minutes before the noodle bowl.  I completed the noodle bowl before I remembered that there was some duck sauce to put on it!  I guess I could have drank the duck sauce and jumped up and down to mix it up but I don't think it would have been the same."

From Photo Lizard: (3.5/5 PP's)
"The ambiance is that of any restaurant stuck in a strip mall, except much cleaner. Having never had Vietnamese cuisine before, I wasn't sure what to expect and had no idea what the dishes actually were. I'm still not sure quite what I had, it contained chicken and plenty of extremely colorful peppers. Not knowing what I ate didn't detract from the fact that it was very good. I give the Saigon Cafe 3.5 out of 5 pocket protectors. The food made up for the fact that there wasn't much to look at!"

From Unholy Mecha: (4/5 PP's)
"Service was excellent.  My water glass was never less than 2/3 full and the wait  time for the food to be served was minimal.  I started out with the Hot and Sour soup which was very tasty and spicier than normal, even before adding some Rooster to it.  (You have to love a place that sits a container of Rooster on the table without you even asking.)  The main course was Chicken Curry in Vietnamese Sauce.  This was a delightful dish that was composed mainly of chicken pieces and yam chunks, topped with a cilantro sprig, and a rice ball on the side.  The dish definantly had a curry undertone, but it was not overpowering.  The meal also came with an egg roll, which was just average at best, but the main course was definantly the star of the show.  The wait staff was exclusivly asian women, which probably gave Non Prophet a chub, but I did not think that there were any that really stood out."

From Non Prophet: (4.5/5.0 PP's)
"It stands as one of my favorite lunchtime dining experiences in recent memory. My lemon-grass chicken arrived is such a beautifully presented and colorful form that I felt like chewing it into a digestable pulp was unfair. Briefly I considered giving up eating entirely. The restaurant had marvelous ambiance when compared to our usual lunch stops, and the wait staff was spiff. (side note: anyone who uses the terms 'hot' and 'asian chick' in a single sentence is being needlessly redundant.)"

Cumulative rating: (3.375+3.5+4+4.5)/4.0 = 3.84375 Pocket Protectors (out of 5)

[DINING] Leon Gessi Pizza

This story is part of a series in which four Colorado Springs area engineers, who are essentially unqualified to do so, review and rate lunch stops around the city.  Please feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section.

The dudes who will eat anything critique:
Leon Gessi Pizza
(719) 635-1542
1806 Palmer Park Blvd
Colorado Springs, CO

From Unholy Mecha: (4/5 PP's)
"Leon Gessi is a fairly small traditional New York pizzeria.  The decor is all New York and so is the pizza.  The walls are decorated with posters of NY scenes and the tables all have a subway map shellacked to the table which provides much entertainment while you're waiting for the pizza to come out.  The pizza is excellent if you enjoy traditional NY style pizza.  The topping choices are the traditional favorites.  There are also some alternatives to pizza, such as salads and calzones.  During our last trip we got a large sausage and a large pepperoni.  As always the pizza was great.  It is necessary to wring some of the grease out of the pepperoni slice, but that is just as it should be.  Another thing about Leon Gessi that lets you know that you are in a fine pizza estableshment is that there are shakers of red pepper flakes and garlic powder at the table.  This gets 4 out of 5 pocket protectors from me."

From Sugarpants: (4/5 PP's)
"My mouth says:  Real New York style pizza, drippin with cheese grease!  HOO-YAAH! My arteries say: I'll get you back when you turn 42.  Tick-Tock."

From Non Prophet: (5/5 PP's)
"I come from the land where pizza is not just a food but a way of life. This is good pizza by any standard. This the only acceptable pizza in Colorado Springs. Also, I get to serve my own drink from the fountain so I don't have to go through my usual routine of asking the waitress to make me a Pepsi/Cherry/A&W mix @ 70%/10%/20% respectively. Also, there is a guy who works there that resembles Mario of Nintendo fame, which is always a good sign."

Cumulative rating: (4+4+5)/3 = 4.333333 Pocket Protectors (out of 5)

[DINING] Cafe El Paso

This story is part of a series in which four Colorado Springs area engineers, who are essentially unqualified to do so, review and rate lunch stops around the city.  Please feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section.

Your beloved food ignorant geeks review:
Cafe El Paso
3840 N. Nevada Ave.
Colorado Springs
Open: Tues. Thurs., 11 a.m. to 9 p.m., Fri. and Sat., 11 a.m. to 10 p.m., Sun., 7:30 a.m. 8 p.m. Closed Monday.
Call 634-3940 

From Sugarpants: (2.5/5.0 PP's)
"Located on the most interesting street in Colorado Springs.  They picked a lovely spot between motels for this establishment.  I set the bar pretty high when it comes to mexican food, and these guys hit their head on it, knocked the bar on to the big fluffy mat, then bent the bar when they landed on it.  The big sunfish that greeted me at the door kicked ass though.  Oh yeah, the men's room is nice and the toilet has good capacity -  I put it to the test with load that broke through the surface of the water.  One flush."

From Photo Lizard: (2.5/5.0 PP's)
"So, you're looking for a good place to go and have a working lunch as an engineering department. This isn't it. At least on the day we went, the place was busy and fairly loud. It's hard to pay attention to your co-workers when you're busy listening in on the group three tables away. While the portions were large, the food seemed very salty. It seemed like a good way to sell more beer, but a) I don't drink beer and B) no one else was drinking beer either because it was noon. I give it a 2.5 out 5 pocket protectors just because you can fill up if you can get past all of the NaCl."

From Non Prophet: (1.5/5.0 PP's)
"The hottest thing about this place is the plate that the food is served on. My chicken enchiladas were so salty that I could barely stand it. That's saying something too, because I'm a salt fiend. I keep a salt shaker next to my computer monitor just to snack on, straight, during the day. My afternoon in the engineering lab following this meal was spent in the company of searing intestinal pains. Bad ones. I know you know the kind I'm talkin' about."

From Unholy Mecha: (3/5 PP's)
"The overall rating for Cafe El Paso is 3 pocket protectors.  The place has nice atmosphere with many interesting photographs adorning the walls, possibly of the city of El Paso.  The salsa was better than average and the chips were not bad either.  For my main course I selected the number 2, which included a chile reinos, enchilada, a taco and rice and beans.  The enchillada, taco and rice and beans were middle of the road with no real suprises.  The reinos was a little disappointing however.  I thought it was way too greasy and soggy.  On a positive note however, our waitress had some positive qualities.  She had a nice ass and a sizable and perky rack.  She could have been a little more attractive in the face, but all in all not bad."

Cumulative rating: (2.5+2.5+1.5+3.0)/4.0 = 2.375 Pocket Protectors (out of 5)

[DINING] Dewey's American Grill

This column is the first in a series that will delve into the world of culinary criticism and restaurant review. A panel of four (three today), including myself and three of my closest co-workers, all cuisine ignorant engineers, will grade the hottest lunch stops around Colorado Springs. Please feel free to add your own opinions in the comments section.

Today's establishment was:
DEWEY'S AMERICAN GRILL
4659 Centennial Blvd. (Colorado Springs),
719-262-910

From Unholy Mecha: (2/5 PP's)

'Dewey's American Grill gets an overall rating of 2 pocket protectors.  There were large screen TVs packed in all around the restaurant.  This may be a selling point for some of the patrons, but personally I would prefer not to be inundated by television everywhere I go.  When I go to a restaurant I expect the conversation to be mentally stimulating enough that it renders television unnecessary.  The menu consists primarily of hamburgers and sandwiches and I must say that there were a considerable amount of choices.  There were also a couple of Mexican entrees and a couple of generic options such as steak and fish and chips along with the standard appetizer options such as potato skins and nachos.  We elected to go with the nachos.  There was definitely plenty of food there and the flavor was not bad.  Pretty much middle of the road as far as nachos go.  For my main course I went with the Southwestern burger.  This was a large chunk of meat served open face on a bun topped with a green chile with a side of fries and a pickle wedge.  Everything on the whole was about average.  I thought that the green chile lacked much flavor and I would have preferred that it be much spicier.  The real disappointment was with the wait staff.  Although they were all quite pleasant, I was surprised that there was not an attractive one in the whole bunch.  There were some worse than others, but on the whole they were scary ugly.'

From Photo Lizard: (3.5/5 PP's)

'Ah, the American Grill! Home of really greasy and fried food! Dewey's offers more variety of burgers than I've seen in one place in a very long time. In fact, I think they may have simply listed every possible combination of ingredients and given it its own unique, rustic sounding burger name!  I decided to play it safe and go with something that I knew, the Reuben. Ah, corned beef and sauerkraut dripping with grease!  And HUGE servings to boot. In fact, while I did eat it all, I'm not so sure that I should have. It's kind of like climbing a mountain, you do it because it's there! I must have been in the mood for a greasy sandwich though becuase it sure hit the spot. I give Dewey's 3.5 out of 5 pocket protectors for the good food, lot's of it and for the really cool high def displays all over the place!'

From Non Prophet: (1/5 PP's)

'This place is a perfect example of what has gone terribly wrong with the American restaurant. While not a huge chain, Dewey's tastes and feels just like all of those cloned crap restaurants that have taken over the lunchtime scene. I had a reuben that, when served along side a literal mountain of fries, could have fed a small country. It was the same quantity over quality fare that I've grown sick of being served at the likes of Ruby Tuesdays, TGI Fridays, and Black Eyed Pea. I ate about 1/4 of what I received and quite frankly I wished I just ordered a salad. It was the worst reuben I've been served in years, and served with the gluttonous fat American white guy style that I've grown to hate.'

Cumulative rating: (2+3.5+1)/3 = 2.1666 Pocket Protectors (out of 5)